so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize