You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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