The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
