she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize