She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
