I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
