i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
