i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
