I think my fart just growled at me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The adults are the big ones right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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