Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
