It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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