I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
