Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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