what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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