i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
