Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
