a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
