My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's blow job season.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize