this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
