They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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