I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
