just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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