you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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