I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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