I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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