I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
