I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
