After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
