Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
