meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
