proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
try to milk me bitch
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