im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
