wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
