dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize