I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then he peed in my hair
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
