piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
