I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
