Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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