Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
