I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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