Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
