i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
