you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
