my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
