I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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