In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize
