Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
