It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
