Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
