Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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