i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
