Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
