here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
