I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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