a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
