Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
