I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
