oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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