just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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