I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
