Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ruined the universe
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize