if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
