Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
