no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
