So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
