you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
