I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
soo... how was my night?
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