She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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