just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
