this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
