i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
