You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
