what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bring money and cleavage
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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