That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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