I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
