there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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