It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
